Jack...

When a family goes through a tough time the whole family is affected. We have always been very honest with our kids. Good or bad we tell them what is happening based on their age in a simple explanation. If they ask questions we give them more, if not we leave it at that. I thought it would be good to share with everyone a little about Jack and how he copes with everything.

Jack was born October 9, 2004. Weighing in at 9lbs 6ozs, I had delivered a 1 month old. He was always an easy baby. The type that makes you think 'yes I could do this again.' He always went with the flow and was easily entertained. Jack was a happy baby and showed compassion for others at a young age. He gets along with everyone, always adaptable. He doesn't like to see other kids upset. As early as 1, if he saw a kid crying he would go up and hug him. If another child was crying because the wanted the toy he had, he would just hand it over to get them to stop. When he was young sometimes this would bother me because I did not want my child to be a push over but as he's gotten older I have seen him stand up for himself. I no longer worry. Jack is our balance. If you believe or read astrology, I am a Virgo and David is a cancer, complete opposites but compatible. Jack is a Libra, the balance sign. We had the perfect kid to even us out.

Jack has always been my "sponge" and an eager learner. He's very curious on how things work and is very observant. Those wheels are always turning. Personality wise he's 50 percent David and 50  percent me. Not always having our best qualities but well balanced and a really great kid. I became pregnant with Ava a few months after Jack turned 2. He was very excited to become a big brother. I'll never forget the look of amazement the first time he heard the baby's (we didn't find out the sex in either pregnancy) heartbeat or the look of amazement seeing her on the tv at the ultra sound. He had turned 3 two weeks before Ava was born, and now very verbal. He immediately took on the role of big brother and became very protective of Ava. Not long after we came home from the hospital I was about to walk into the living room. As I peeked around the corner I saw Jack give Ava a kiss on the forehead and say "Ava, I just love you so much." Right then I knew, as long as Jack is nearby I'll never have to worry about Ava. Don't get me wrong they yell, scream and hit each other on occasion like all siblings but still they are amazingly close.

Jack is really creative. He loves art and building things. He also loves to dress up, sing and dance. He also is very secure with himself. When Jack was 5 he wore a cape for about 8 months. It was a part of him, he never left home with out it. He even wore it into the operating room when he had his tonsils out. To many he was known as the boy with the cape. Sadly that came to an end when he started Kindergarten, I miss the cape days. He doesn't dress up as much as he use to but still loves a great hat now and then. When Jack turned 7 he failed the eye exam at his well visit. The doctor suggested we see an eye doctor. I have to say I was a little upset by this. I have had glasses since I was 5. It is different now from then but I still did not want this for my child. Two weeks later Jack got glasses. ( I admit, I cried a little.) They are mainly for distance but he usually wears them all the time, he says it's easier.

Through out this whole process Jack has always been informed on what is going on. A lot of things that happened in the beginning were so spread out that it didn't really have an impact on him. Now that he is 7, he is much more aware. He asks a lot of questions and listens a lot closer when we're trying to talk quietly. Jack is a worrier like me. He knows whatever is going on with Ava is serious. On several occasions now he has said to me "I can't believe Ava had all these things wrong and we didn't know!" He's becoming  very concerned about his sister. I know a lot of his uneasiness has come from me. I have really kept my emotions in check up until a few weeks ago. It has not been as easy lately.

Not long after things started happening  more quickly, Jack told his teacher he couldn't see the smart board at school. Mr. C sent him to the nurse and he failed the eye exam with his glasses on. How was this possible he just got glasses in October?! He also was complaining of headaches and some dizziness. He was at the nurse's office several times in two weeks. (He also had a cold at the time.) This was unlike Jack. We took him back to the eye dr and yes his eyes were slightly worse but not as bad as he was claiming. the dr seemed to think some of it was for attention. Oh no was his sister getting all the attention lately? We got him new glasses (we never liked the way the first pair fit) and realized we need to watch what we say around Jack. He was more worried about Ava then we thought. I addressed the issue with the nurse so everyone was aware of what is going on and we can keep an eye him. We started to think that maybe the headaches were from him worrying.

After we  saw the GI doctor we talked as a family why it is so important for Ava to eat more. We talked about her new eating schedule and no drinking between meals. There are times Jack is yelling at Ava like we would during a meal. I gently remind him that is mine and Dad's job but thank you for caring about your sister so much. After we found out about Ava's surgery we decided to hold off on telling both kids about it. They  both know that surgery is a possibility but didn't want to stress Jack out. I think Ava is aware of it, she was there that day but is choosing to ignore it. Several times Jack has asked "is Ava going to have surgery?" My answer usually is "We don't know yet. The doctors will let us know." I don't want to lie to him but I wasn't ready to tell him yet. The past couple Sunday's when Jack has come out of children's church he has whispered to David "We prayed for Ava today. We prayed for her to be healthy."

Originally David and I had  decided we wouldn't tell the kids about the surgery until we absolutely had to. A few days ago we found out one month before the surgery we have to do Ava's preop testing at Robert Wood Johnson. As always we will have to prepare her for all her tests and let her know what will be happening. This past Sunday David was away for the night. After our normal bedtime routine I was laying on Jack's bed talking about our day. Jack turned to me and said "Ava's going to have surgery, isn't she?" He's a smart kid, he's over heard a lot, I could no longer put it off. My response "Yes, she is."... "What are they going to do?"...The doctors have to fix her hips..."What happens after?"...I think we should wait until Daddy gets home and have a family conversation about this. I don't want you to worry about Ava, that is Mommy and Daddy's job. Your job is to keep being the best big brother. I'm so proud of you for praying for her to be healthy and get well quickly. You can keep doing that..."Okay." That was enough for now but soon he'll want to know everything.




Many people have offered their help to us while Ava is in her cast, including to help out with Jack. Knowing   Jack he will not want to go far from Ava's side (at least in the beginning.) I will let him decide what he wants to do this summer. He will be part of any plans that will be made, we need to be there for both our children in any way we can.We will get through this as a family.